This is my first blog for RHP, so let’s hope to make it a good’un, yeah? We’ll be discussing a multitude of topics, each of which will have an underlying yet interconnected theme. Mkay? Cool.
Yeah, this has been all but eliminated in the Modern Wrestling Climate, but back in the 80’s boy howdy Dem Roidz wur da shot! Obviously, the two main poster boys of this time period were Hogan and Piper. So, what better way to set the mood than by discussing the disturbing aspects of the careers of two legends of the industry? Funfunfun.
Hogan was 302 pounds of pure muscle and bandanas, I mean he was a big friggin dude. And it wasn’t a mixture of vegetables, school, prayers and vitamins that did it, unlike what his posters would tell you. It was in the year of 1992 that he would be charged with the solicitation of Performance Enhancing Drugs off of Doctor George Zahorian, a member of the Pennsylvania State Athletics Commission. Hogan, obviously, went on to steadfastly deny these allegations, not that it did much to calm the media jackals. He would take a leave of absence in 1992 as a means to cool down, because, mothertrucker dude, he was a media lightning bolt.
When he came back in 1993, he was noticeably thinner, which was the only thing that the crowd disliked about Wrestlemania 9. The only thing. Shut up. Later on, in 1994, Hogan would go on the record, saying that he had been using various Steroids for 18+ years, starting in 1976. I was also able to obtain a brief overview of the drugs that Hogan was on. Bear in mind that this isn’t a concrete overview, just a simple draft estimate.
Testosterone. Boosts yer gains.
Oxandrovar. Sheds body fat quickly, increases muscle mass, and boosts athletic performance. Used as an alternative to Anavar, which is basically the same thing, but weaker.
Deca Durabolin. Basically used as an aid for keeping you bulked up.
HGH. This is used to keep joints in shape, as well as improving recovery time from any potential injuries. Also used to increase youth, or prolong the appearance of a youthful Physique.
Cardarine. Used to increase endurance capacity and promotes fat loss.
Arimidex. This lowers the oestrogen side effects often found in other ‘roids.
N2Guard. Used to protect the liver and other vital organs from the oh so damaging and harmful side effects caused by steroids.
“No place to turn.”
Piper. Jeez. I really liked the guy. He was amazing in that ring, and Miles ahead of his time. To be fair though, anybody who worked faster than the pace of erosion was miles ahead of their time. A true pioneer of the business, but Jesus Christ did he go through some shit. Years of drug abuse would lead to Dire health consequences and death at 61. It’s a truly depressing story. Honestly, it’s best summed up in an interview that Piper himself did with HBO’s Bryant Gumble on Real Sports. The following quotes and excerpts are being directly pulled from an article released by NY daily on the fourth of August, 2015. This was around the time of Piper’s death.
Wrestling has a tremendous entrance plan. You come in and it’s ‘Boy, here you are. It’s rock’n’roll, it’s wonderful.’ It’s got no exit plan.
What would you have me do at 49 when my pension plan, I can’t take out until I’m 65. I’m not gonna make 65; let’s face facts guys.
-Piper, who died at 61.
When asked about Substance Abuse, Piper would discuss a “Deadly Combination” of Drugs, Steroids and Booze. A deadly cycle that would continue over the course of over 20 years. (Paraphrasing the article).
[Then] you bring cocaine onto the picture. There’s my buddies, I’ll have some drinks [and then you say] Holy Cow, it’s 4[a.m.] What time’s your plane? Seven. When do you need to get up? Five-thirty. Do a line [of cocaine], get on the plane. [Then] it’s time to fight. No downers there. Let’s go. But it’d be nice to have a little painkiller in you as you go in -or a lot- and now you come into the ring.
Many hotels, I just sat there and -I call it the silent scream- I don’t know why, you just sit there and tears will come down and you’ll just sit there for hours, man.
There’s no place to turn, and when you do turn, who cares? You’re just a dumb Professional Wrestler.
Thing is, Vince McMahon would later fire Piper for his partaking in this interview, even though it has been proported that Piper told Vince about the interview before his return in 2003. Although Piper didn’t blame Vince personally, as opposed to discussing the callousness of Wrestling Promoters in general, Vince would get most if not all of the media flak (this took place around the time of the interview, not Piper’s death). Matter were not helped nor soused when he would notoriously lose his temper in a related interview with journalist Armen Keteyian. He would famously become enraged with the man, and ruffle all his notes.
However, while his actions and his demeanour were somewhat lacking in empathy and understanding, especially his little episode, but he did raise a good point. This behavior was symptomatic of habits developed in the Territories these Wrestlers came up through, as opposed to his own company. While not totally wrong, it is extremely unfair of him to just divert all blame on the Feds and Territories. If he was as against it as he said he was, don’t ya think he would have taken steps to prevent it, as opposed to letting it happen under his watch?
Yeah. I like Whatculture. I love it. It’s what got me back into Wrestling and Adam Blampied is my fucking Spirit Animal. Aaaaaanyway, this section is more of an opinion piece than anything else. Basically just gonna give you my favourite members of the team, and my favourite moments from the Adam vs Adam Series. Bit of a fluff piece, but it’s my fluff piece so shoot me. I’ll start with discussing my favourite members of the channel, because why not?
Adam Blampied. (Plumpy).
Big Daddy Plumpied. My fucking God and the man I strive to be. The Jews were wrong, the Messiah is here. I love you. I love you so much. Sorry, that… That got away from me, there. I need help, call my parents, what? Anyway, he’s funny as fuck, having legitimate experience in the stand up comedy business, which both translates into his Writing skills for videos but also his on screen personality, which is endearing from afar, but I feel like if I was one of his co-workers, I’d kill myself. The way that he takes the piss out of Pacitti in all the Adam vs Adam videos is hilarious, coming up with various gems, such as “I’m joined by the Marty Janetty to my Shawn Michaels” or “the Sheamus to my Cesaro”. Hell, sometimes he doesn’t even try to be clever and calls Pacitti “the fucking dickhead to my absolute legend” or “the Adam Pacitti to my Adam Blampied”. He’s a bloody genius, that boy. A bloody genius.
And I’m not sorry if it sounds like I’m gushing, because feckin am. Only he could have the innate charisma to get a crappy cardboard belt, another crappy cardboard belt and the name Plumpy over.
The Five Year Old Boy.
Might get a bit of flak for this one, but Meh. I like him. Whether it’s his rather unique delivery on his various mediums of video communication, i.e. Fastcount, Smackdown Ups and Downs, etc, where he would usually display a very demure and professional tone of delivery only to go completely unprofessional and zany at a moments notice, always providing we, the viewers with an entertaining watch. A prime example of this would be his Fastlane videos, where he just freaks the fuck out at the most random shit. Also, the fact that Ben Potter heckles him during Fast count makes me fundamentally happy. Also, that stretch of like three months where Pacitti bullied the shit out of him, was comedic gold. Loved every minute of it. The peak was probably at the Survivor Series Live Reactions. If you haven’t seen that video, watch it. It’s damn fantastic. His Tumblr fans disturb me, though. Then again, Tumblr as a whole disturbs my psyche. A fucked up wasteland, Tumblr.. A fucked up wasteland.
Anyway, Jack is also really funny in other videos, examples of which include his various impressions of people in videos, or that video where he tries to score with basically all the women backstage at WCPW. Seriously, watch it. Really really great stuff, that there.
King Ross, (He is Your Friend).
Wh… I… I just… I don’t even know, man. I just don’t know. I have no fucking clue. What… What is he? Is he human? Is he Supernatural? Is he a being sent from God to test my patience? I don’t… I don’t even know where to start. Even trying to come up with a description of him hurts my brain. He is both the bane of my existence and my favourite ever to have ever evered. I have no idea how to describe him. He just fucking bounces from being a batshit crazy lunatic to a bored as fuck, salty bastard that derives a great deal of pleasure from insulting his audience. I mean, he’s funny, can’t say any less that that. I also wouldn’t want to be in a room with him for more than a minute. Just look in those eyes…
Well, ya mangy fucks, see you soon.
My name is Not Overly, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed hosting your read.